What Does Friendship Mean To You?

Lately I have been pondering this very question.  What do you expect from people who say they are your friends?  I know what I expect.  Honesty, loyalty, empathy, laughter and just being there when needed.  I know that as someone’s friend I hold myself to those standards.  Is it asking too much to expect the same?

Your situation changes throughout life.  You are single and carefree.  Then you meet someone.  Some get married and have children.  Not everyone has the same shared experiences anymore so you move on and meet new people. It’s always interesting when you first start friendships.  Everything is awesome.  You “get” each other.  Then you hit rough patches.  That’s when a person’s true nature comes out.  The people who stick with you through the good times and bad are the keepers.  The ones who don’t are the pretenders.  I would rather have one true friend than a group of phonies.  I have been fortunate enough to have a few very special people in my life who are always there for me and vice versa.  The keepers.  Thankfully the pretenders are long gone.  I hope that everyone has at least one keeper in their life.

Once Again I Learned A Lesson The Hard Way

You would think by now I would realize that people cannot be trusted.  I am a very private person and only have a small group of people that I allow into my life.  I have kept it this way for a long time because of past hurts.  Well I made the mistake of letting some people in who I thought were good and kind and trusted them.  What did I get in return? Stabbed in the back!  Because I chose to stand up for someone not being bullied by someone who writes blogs.  Someone who uses words as a weapon to hurt people.  I was warned by many people that this person would turn on me but I didn’t think that was possible.  I am a very loyal friend.  A good person to talk to.  I was also there to help this person when they were having issues with others.  Instead I’m accused of being untrustworthy, the cause of all these problems that were self-induced.  Lots of projecting. I should have known this would happen as this person had issues with many people and blamed them for things and treated them horribly.

I am done giving people the benefit of the doubt and looking for good in anyone.  I’d rather put my walls back up around me and protect myself from being kicked in the ass again.  I will only be there for those who know, love and appreciate me for who I am. And that is a very tiny list.

 

Cliquey Clique

Remember when you were a kid and at lunch there was a different table for the cliques?  The jocks, the beauty queens, the brains.  I sure do.  I sat with the sarcastic jokesters.  Not a clique.  Just the outcasts.  We could care less about any of the “in” people.  We actually made fun of them all.

So you think you grow up and become an adult and there is no such thing as a clique.  Oh boy is that wrong.   I have discovered through the joy of social media that cliques do exist.  Where you may ask?  On message boards and in groups of course.  I love social media.  I enjoy meeting new people and chatting and joking around. Unfortunately, there are some message boards where there is no fun.  There are cliques who decide they don’t like someone and are like a pack of piranha and tear that person apart.  I see such horrible things being said. There is this one guy who always has a nasty comment to add to any discussion and he goes unchecked.

Where are the moderators of these boards?  Are their heads in their butts?  People don’t want to go online to be verbally abused.  They want to have fun and make friends and yes, be social and network.  Luckily for every online bully there is a someone who calls them out.  My good friend, Wanderin Poet is one of those people.  He doesn’t tolerate stupidity, trolls or nonsense.  He writes blogs calling out bullies and rips apart cliques.  He argues facts and most people cannot handle that and run away.

It’s funny because I wrote a previous blog about bullies and here I am again but now talking about cliques of bullies.  You just hope that one day people could grow up.  Sadly that cannot happen for some people.  They still think they are the jock or the beauty queen.  Guess you need people to slap them into reality in some way.

The Process of Grief

Loss is a very painful thing to go through.  Many times when you lose someone close, you receive the common platitudes that people throw at you.  “It will be ok” “Time heals all wounds”.  I could go on and on.  I’m sorry to say that hearing words like this are not always a comfort.  A grieving person just wants to feel whatever emotion they feel. Or they just want to cry it out.  Some prefer to talk it out.  Whatever they want to do, let them do it.  Listen to what they are saying. Take your cues from that.

I lost my mother almost 5 years ago.  It was sudden and shocking to me.  My mother was my best friend.  We did everything together and I was able to talk to her about anything.  Losing her was a knife to my heart.  I felt like someone literally punched me in the gut.  I heard lots of things.  Honestly I cannot remember what since I tuned everyone out.  All I wanted to do was cry and be left alone.  No one wanted to understand this.  I do remember that some well-meaning people thought telling me that at least I got to spend many years with my mom was a good thing. Really?  Well guess what?  I’m selfish.  My mother will never see me get married or have a child – two things I know she was looking forward to experiencing.  I don’t know anyone who lost a parent.  My friends are all fortunate enough to have both parents alive.  They just couldn’t get why my “grieving” took so long.  Needless to say I don’t have those friends.

Grieving is a long process for some.  I am one of those people.  While I can speak about my mom now and smile about memories, it doesn’t distract from the fact that I have a huge missing piece of my life.  I cannot tell you how many times I want to tell my mom something then realize she’s not here for me to talk to.  I think about how she would react to certain events that have happened.  Or to who I love.  Maybe one day I will be fortunate enough to have a daughter who can learn all about her beloved grandmother.  But for now I just have to wonder.

I just want to say that if someone you know has lost someone.  Just be there for them.  Sometimes silence is all they need.  Or a hug.  Maybe they just want to cry or scream.  But if they want to be left alone then please respect that as well.